I'm Sorry
by Mipiko
Summary: I'm just another lonely, misunderstood girl, who just wants to find her one true love. Miku-centric. MikuxLen, past MikuxKAITO, KAITOxMEIKO.


_**A/N:**_

I don't know why, but it just came to me, and I thought that it'd be nice to post, I guess. . .

* * *

I've heard a lot of people making me out to be some kind of evil villain in a story of true love before, and I know why, but what I don't understand is how they could think something like that about me for so LONG.

I've heard the whispers about me, the rumors spreading, lies being webbed; I've been tripped in the hallways by girls, girls who were supposed to be my _friends_, and glared at by people I don't even know; I've had food dumped on me, and the legs of my chairs messed with so I would fall when I sat down, and I've had old friends turn against me for no reason that I can very well see. . . at the time, but now I finally understand why so many girls seem to hate me. . .

Aside from all the torture, though, there is always all the boys. . . Boys who insist on asking me out left and right, who like to stuff notes under my door and in the books I love to read, and who send me roses before and after rehearsals and shows, and who are at my beckon call if all I was to do was bat an eye. I've had even boys who had girlfriends do all these things too, staring at me, acting goofy when I'm near, and all just being oh too silly.

That's why all the girls hate me, I believe, because of all the attention I get when I don't even do anything all that special.

What they don't seem to understand is, though. . . I never asked for any of this, and if someone was to ask me if I'd like it all to stop, I'd say yes in a heartbeat.

Don't get me wrong, I love all the attention, I love having all the boys seem so infatuated with me - It's an emotion I can't help but like, the feeling of being so wanted, so adored. So whenever I catch a boy staring, there's one part of my mind that is very exasperated, and a bit tired of it all, while there's another small part of me that's squealing on the inside at the same time.

It never ___used_ to bother me so much, but now that I'm a little older, and a little wiser, I've learned my lesson.

Several years ago, I found out that a message on a wall in one of the old, abandoned studios had said that Kaito loved me, and I can still remember all the sparks in my heart that had exploded when I thought that there was a boy who actually liked me in such a way. I was young, still oh so new, and I mistook these feelings inside of me as affection.

So I started going out with Kaito.

It was all very brief, and when it was happening, there was a small part in my mind that kept asking over and over, _"Why doesn't he look happy?"_

I found out not too long after, when he admitted he wasn't the one who wrote that message on the wall.

I'll admit, I was a little sad, having all that joy inside me taken away.

But later on that night, I'd realized something. . .

_I never even liked him._

It's like I've told you before, when a boy likes me, there's always a small spark in my heart that is squealing that someone actually likes me. But when I realized that my sadness wasn't even legible, I was over it just like that, fully prepared to forget that that ever even happened, maybe even apologize to Kaito for bothering him.

But then he admitted later on that he actually DID like me.

But this time, I knew what that spark in my heart was, and it was most certainly not affection, but there was always a small, strange part of me that wanted me to nurture that spark, to spend lots of time with that boy, to flirt with him and giggle and to see that funny look in his eyes when he stared at me. . . because I just loved the attention, and it made me want to give some attention back, so I wouldn't end up losing the attention all together.

A lot of people may think of this as criminal, villainous, like I'm some slithery snake that just lives to stand between Romeo and Juliet, just because I love that feeling of being loved, even though I know I can never offer such feelings back.

But I can't help it, and I still can't. I'll admit I still have the urges, I still want to get near them just so I can get a reaction out of them, I still want to giggle and swoon and sigh, because. . . I'm afraid that later on, I may never get that attention back, that I'll lose that feeling of being so adored, and I'll lose it forever. Like this may be the end of the line for me. That there will never be anyone else. But I have learned my lesson, I'll admit that.

I led Kaito on, and I know it, and I regret it immensely, especially later on. He did end up moving on from me, perhaps he figured out that I could never like him the way he liked me, and he gave up, but when he did finally end up getting over me, he finally realized what had been waiting for him all along.

And they've been together ever since.

They just look so happy together too, so completely enamored with each other, and it's such a beautiful sight.

To see people in love.

But I won't lie, I'm jealous. Not of Kaito, oh no. . . I'm jealous of what they have together. You just see this indescribable joy and love in their eyes whenever they look at each other. And I've always wanted that, I've wanted that so badly it hurt.

I've always ached inside for that oh so special someone. I want to meet them soon, and throw myself in their arms, and be able to feel how much they love me in their kiss, and be able to give just as much love back. I'm looking for a happily ever after. I really am. I've always fantasized that as soon as I saw them, I'd know. I'd know it would be them.

And for a while, I thought that person was Len.

As soon as I saw him, I felt something ignite within me, and I could see in his eyes that he felt the same. I'd never been so happy with a person before. I loved him, I just did, and I knew it. He was so beautiful. It was just the way he carried himself, the things that fascinated him so, things that so many people take for granted. I found that so endearing and charming and sweet. How he could be so content with just staring at the sky? How he could make even the smallest things out there, actually seem interesting? I was so confused when I found out everyone thought he was weird for it. But he was just different, and that's what I loved about him.

He was different.

He was like no one else I'd ever met before. And I'd just figured that if no one else out there could see just how special he was, then perhaps they were a bit simple minded. I hate to say that, but I still don't understand how anyone could not see the meaning behind all the things he did.

But then I lost him.

I haven't seen him since, and that was nearly three years ago. Do I still love him? I'm not so sure, but even if I did, all that would cause is heart ache, because I've heard from Kaito that he's STILL fawning over Meiko. He sounded pretty annoyed too. Rightfully so, by what he was saying, "___Why does he always have to fall for the girls that are MINE_?"

I was never his, though, but I didn't say anything. He was just so angry he wasn't really thinking straight. And it's always funny when Kaito is jealous.

But I don't want to talk about Len anymore. The wounds may be old, but they still feel so fresh when I think back on them.

How could he have led me along like that? I loved him!

But then as soon as he saw Kaito taking in interest in Meiko, he ran to her to try and ruin their "blossoming relationship". I was pretty sure it was just the two of them trying to make me jealous. But I wasn't. I'll admit I was a tiny bit concerned that someone was trying to take away Kaito's affections from me, but I knew that behind those beatings and scathing words, Meiko secretly loved him, so I was too happy for them to even think about my own petty concerns. Besides, I had Len.

But now I have no one, and I'm single again.

Though I have countless admirers, I never asked for this. I learned my lesson a long time ago. Which is why I ignore that spark in my heart from having a boy like me, and I ignore all the flowers and notes and jealous girls glowering at my backside, and I focus on how much I wish they'd stop, so I could focus better on finding that oh so special someone.

So no, I never meant to stand between Kaito and Meiko, or any of those boys and their girlfriends - It just happened, and if I could, I'd make all of that go away in a heartbeat. I'm not a snake or an evil villain. I'm just another lonely, misunderstood girl, who just wants to find her one true love.


End file.
